Chapter 1 : Super Derek Underpants

Welcome to chapter ONE (consisting of 8 sub-chapters) of my online book 'Super Derek'. It's PG-13 -for all you kids who can read comic books / manga it should be okay. If you're Christian, this is a cool way to get to know me and my faith, likewise if you're pinned down by evil forces this one is for you.

1. Derek's life

I know, I know -this is another skinny dude who becomes super-powered and saves America, even the world tale. But wait a minute -what's his life like -what was it before he put on the enchanted underpants?

When he was young, Derek was a sensitive child. Eager to learn and to please his parents and the other grownups who visited. He would warn people of plots against them and accidents that could happen. Yeah, he had a sixth sense. Soon, before he could grow enough brains, find enough friends good alike, secret forces pressed down on him and he never developed his genius, clairvoyance, nor a good physique.

In fact, right now, Derek found out he'd flunked his SATs. Dad said he had the mind of a Janitor... or the Janitor's mop bucket. A or B, Son. They laughed him all the way up to his room. And keep those curtains open, said Mom, we don't want any more of that peeping.

Derek collapsed onto his bed. Yeah it was comfortable here. The climate control washed cool air over his body and he tucked his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. Troubles in the neighborhood had peeled away most of his friends, plus he was labelled the retard who ruined his own life.

The binoculars he never asked for were on his desk -a gift from Mom, followed by the accusations of spying and the double whammy of kicking and killing the neighbor's pregnant dog after calling it to his room and 'assaulting' it.

He had since learnt not to cry over spilled milk. Tears felt like acid on his conscience.

The beach was a 10 minutes' scoot from where he lived. He grabbed his one -wheeler and his cricket ball, and tip-toed softly down the stairs. Sounds of his Mom and Dad making love in their bedroom. He thought of Esmeralda -losing his virginity to her but she was Catholic and devout.

He made it out the house and onto the road to the bowling spot.

There was always someone there playing or practicing against the wickets and they were always nice. It was like a protectorate of God. And Derek loved his Father in Heaven though he was Protestant which Esmeralda said was wrong.

The large tray of packed clay lay in the sand and the wickets were just sticks, with shells and seed pods on top. You only needed a ball. Derek's was the best so they used it and after a round of bat-less beach cricket, they went for milkshakes at the ice cream parlor.

What will you do now? They asked him, knowing just he had failed to get into college even so a decent job.

I don't know, he replied through a froth mustache.

I don't know -it echoed in his mind as the group of friends traded their plans for the future. Don't forget the beach cricket, Derek called after them when the sun was going down. Beach cricket was his invention. One that never quite took off, no surprise why. Who'd give fame to someone with a donkey's tail pinned to his butt.

The number his friends handed him was for a job that took part timers. So they understood. He called it the next morning.

2. Out of school, into a job

Derek had never seen so much money at once. A thousand Dollars, which included his overtime, shift work at the flour mill and packing factory. The boss took him under his wing, frowning consternedly whenever they talked, but his eyes were honest and clear and his voice never raised. His daughter also worked there, in the operations room. She was a looker, and very nice. Derek could count the times he almost had a forklift accident on all his hands and toes, whenever she walked by.

He liked women with big hair, round faces, and wide hips. Something Esmeralda also had but she was dark as the night sky beautiful while boss' daughter was blonde and all sunshine. He knew he didn't deserve the sunshine girl.

What's there to tell about working driving a forklift? Packing flour? Derek pocketed the thousand dollars and scooted down to the beach where there was a strip of tourist joints -where sometimes they'd sell stuff from abroad to pay for additional money to stay longer or to go deeper inland. He loved watches -even used ones.

The dealer was run by a Hawaiian guy with a slicked-back hairdo and a bun. He had a bit of mustache and sleepy eyes. He had a cousin, in her 30s who was hot and always in a pout and a bikini top. There's nachos at the back of the shop if you want any, she stared right at him. She's just practicing for her date, said the Hawaiian. She don't want a dog fukk -like you know who. He smiled at Derek. You one of those? No, Derek replied sheepishly. Never, never... he trailed off. Derek didn't wince by a hair. These were good people.

What would you want with a thousand bucks? Something like this? The dealer brought out a tray of luxury quartz watches. Some had stopped. Because, I'm a working man now and I could use the time (and the attention -he implied). The dealer brought out a second tray -there are autos, mechs, tic-tic-tic-tic-tic he mimed. Derek put one to his ear and it's 5 beat per second mechanical swing song sent his heart fluttering. How much? He asked. Depends.

He lifted his eyes as the bikini girl kissed her date passionately behind a bead curtain. He wished he had Esmeralda right then but she didn't do those things with him, let him touch her all over. How he wished.

Back in his room, he called his girlfriend. Can I come over? I just got paid and I'm taking you out to dinner. How sweet! Yeah, I got a new watch too. Oh, how much? Not much -it's Japanese, not many jewels, and low beat. Esmeralda smiled. She wanted to be his balance wheel if he'd be her balance spring. But they were on opposite sides of the church divide.

Come over, then, she said at last, and I have something to tell you as well. 

3. Friend Esmeralda the witch

Where does a witch go after schooling's over? Would they set up a crystal ball and tarot shop somewhere downtown near the gypsy ghetto? All their time together she had never told him she was a witch. Just a devout Christian. After dinner, Derek noticed a certain fullness about his girlfriend. Like a cat given a good meal. He didn't mean to take advantage of her gratitude but he had always wanted to feel her hair. He reached for her and she turned her cheek. His fingers pushed into her dark locks which were like treacle. His fingers combed through her hair and bursts of passion coursed through his chest. Men and women had different-feeling hair. She pointed to her cheek and he kissed it. Warmth overcame his senses as he searched for her mouth but she broke it up. Why?

Derek, it's not you. Then it's you -why? I have something important to tell you. Firsts, I'm a witch -and it's okay. I'm not -one of them. He nodded solemnly. I also know your future. Derek snorted his cola. Derek, you're never going to get with any woman. He turned to storm away but she grabbed his hand and they went over to her room.

What's a witch to you? I don't know -they hex people, judge people, slander people, tell the future of a sinner to all his friends? Es, I'm not guilty of smooching with somebody's dog. You know me well enough. Derek, it's hard for you, I know, but everybody is supposed to believe the witch. She landed in our town smoking from Christian arrows. Then she took over. What have you ever done about that?

Esmeralda turned quiet. You witches are all together. She nodded slowly, lips pursed. Now you've cursed me -as one dark entity of evil. Es, how could you? Derek, and she held his hands on his lap, there are things going on that are bigger than you and me. He liked the feeling of her hands on his thighs and his fingers meshing with hers and calmed down.

Witches didn't always judge Christians. It's a sign of the end times and we always prepare early. We noticed when they put a man on the moon. That was almost 70 years ago. Yeah, and then everybody had a computer at home, everyone had a modem -the Internet. Now you've got AI to rewrite your life's story. Derek, what are witches going to do about people who've achieved so much? Bless them! No, we judge them.

Long ago the church schism-ed -it was pretty much run by men. What did you expect Christian women to do? We turned into witches -wise, clever, able to see the truth through Jesus' eyes. All of them? Just the brightest. Huh, Derek crossed his arms, looking out the window. There were strange gnarled trees outside her coal gray and slate home.

Derek, what happened at the reformation? You were there too. Yes, we stopped all out war many times over and were betrayed, burnt at the stake by the Pope's militia. Not all of us were innocent, having seen so far, so much. Those with sight go dark quickly, especially without a husband.

Witches know you're a good man. We'll help you against the rebels from out of town but they've already gathered sinners from under you, and there's no turning back. You're special -you always were. With that, she kissed him on the mouth. 

4. Mortally wounded

He had used her bathroom afterwards. it wasn't the first time he had messed and he never let on that he did. He was walking the short way home when a bitch confronted him, snarling. Dogs sense fear. Maybe also an enemy who'd bred -the residue of his fluids on his underpants. It rushed him, taking out his crotch. Payback? It wasn't me... Rumors of that sort... Oh, no! No... he slipped into black. His last thoughts: if only I were dead. Heckles erupted around him. He was unaware otherwise, that a crowd had gathered and pulled away the savage biter, lifting him onto a stretcher and into an ambulance.

You're not making a baby I hope? Are you Bill Cosby? Hu-hu-hu, the black doctor laughed under his breath. No, Derek, and I hate the break it to you, it's the end of all those happy times. At least I don't have cancer. Sometimes we cure that. In your case, the jovial surgeon lifted his bandage, tsk. I don't think so.

Derek's heart fell, he didn't want to look. Tears streaked down his face as he heard Mom and Dad talking with the doctor outside. You can take him home this afternoon. Give him plenty of rest and something to do that's fun. Does he like ice cream?

It was a week before he recovered enough to walk round town. He went to the beach. There were children playing on the bowling clay, kicking and scuffing the surface and throwing seeds and driftwood about. Hey! Stop all this. Huh, who's got no banana, try to stop our fun? Ha-ha-ha. Derek covered his ears like it was a sonic boom. It tolled like a bell in his heart. God had spoken for the side of his neighbors. He was guilty -even looked the part. Sadly he limped off as twigs and debris pelted his back. No banana, no banana... they chanted.

That night, Mother sat beside him as he lay on the bed in the cool air. He sensed Dad nearby as well. She peeked under his bandages. Then whispering, how can a person bear so much? He gave up in the mind, he gave up his things, now he's got no penis! The last bit came with a hiss and sounds of crying. Hearing that was another stake in his heart -the heart everybody agreed to hate.

The week that followed, the burning pain had subsided. The catheter he'd been using to loo was removed. What was left -just a stump with a hole. He had no testicles either, just torn flesh trimmed neat, perhaps under the cast of sorrow and regret. He knelt to pray. Sometimes men make eunuchs out of one another. If a man can bear it let him bear it. Not many can. I know you can. Derek lifted his head. I can.

5. Witches and the special red underpants

Es slept over at his place. He had missed her while he was recovering. They didn't know how he'd react towards her. What is lust, Es? I don't know? Isn't it important? Derek, you're important to God and nobody has the answer to sin. Isn't the answer Jesus? Jesus knows why you sin. God knows how you stop. Then what do I know? Derek, it's okay not to know, just to feel His love. She tried to kiss him again and he didn't respond.

Esmeralda left, saying she'd bring some lattes. You like coffee? Yeah -why not. 

There's things moving -these are the end times, Derek. I'm not saying this to give you hope that it's gonna be 2 months or 2 years, but somethings' moving and it's won't go back. Changes are coming. Derek felt better when talked to in deterministic terms like that. He sat up and sipped the cappuccino.

I've got nothing left to give you. I thought you would say that. You're just not ready for what comes next. See, loss is just the start. Don't lose again. He remembered her words when he ordered a telescoping whip baton off AliExpress.

It was around the same time at the same street corner that he met his assailant again. The bitch snarled from across the stop sign. Seemed to be half rottweiler, half bulldog. A hound from hell, its eyes were shot with blood. Sniffing the air, it remembered him and growled. Who's gonna look after your pups? He called to it. C'mon, see what you can take from me this time? Who's not going home to their family tonight? Sarcasm was lost on the mongrel bred to attack. He could see it bracing to charge and drew the whip. He hid it in the palm of his hand. Sizing up the bitch's skull, he wondered if it'd do the job. It was like a Popsicle stick against the side of a jeep.

The dog launched at him but he spun round, taking out its belly. She was off balance, in pain, when Derek struck it across the abdomen again, and again. It rolled over and lay on the curb. A patrol car appeared and cops pulled him away. Enough! They said. Lemme go, Derek responded. The older cop nodded and they released him. They took down the animal's license number this time, zip tied its paws and muzzled it. A crowd gathered yet again. He dropped the baton and fell to his knees.

A little girl broke away from the mob and ran towards her dog. It only attacks bad people -I swear. Well, he struck it 3 times in the gut. I say that's fair. The crowd sneered, muttering, and reluctantly, dispersed. Go home, said the policeman, a tear in his eye.

On the way back, there was a whiff of perfume. It smelled familiar so he followed it. And there was a street he'd never gone down, perhaps because it was a dead end. Well, this time he did. And waiting at the far gate was a gray cloak that seemed to hang in the air. Yeah it was dark maybe. Peace, he said. And in the cloak he noticed a small white face, as if coming out of a great depth, from under water. Then hands appeared, white also and white shoes beneath. Why not come in, said the apparition?

Derek couldn't remember what happened next. But he felt whole -down there. And he touched himself. Nothing stirred, just a small banana of a penis held in place by a loop. He seemed naked but was in fact covered in a dark blue material that adhered closely to his skin. He felt beneath and there, in two small sacks were the testicles he lost. He wanted to peel off the sticky pants but it was pretty much sealed on. *Don't try it* came a whisper in his mind. He stopped. He looked at himself in the mirror, pulled the loop back into place again. I could be more buff, he thought, and he smiled. For the first time in weeks, he was happy.

6. Growing in power

[I will be stopping here for tonight]

In the morning, he used the loo. It was unreal how clean he did it. Was there a need to wash under the skin trunks? *Laughter: he doesn't know, this man of God* So he showered like he'd always done and after that he was clean -or so he assumed. Feeling had returned to his gonads and down to the end of his manhood but it was soft -try as he might he couldn't go hard.

Later that week, a terrible itch overcame his crotch and his member. It smelled like beer, sour and yeasty. And bread, when he ate it, caused the rash to worsen. Had working at the flour packing warehouse / factory given him a gluten allergy? He could feel his insides throbbing, his skin pocked with feathery yeast flakes and freckles of light brown. There was the urge again to peel off his skin trunks. He rubbed at himself, still soft. The stress of the allergy, the yeast infection, and his chastity second skin overwhelmed his emotions. Why this, now?

Save yourself, Derek, he thought. What do I have to do?

When he came out of his struggle, he glanced at his arms -no more white fluff but healthy clear skin, nice flesh pink. He noticed his arm now had biceps and triceps. Then he felt his chest and it was all filled out. He ordered his skin darker and it obeyed. He ordered his manhood up but the restrictive layer over his loins prevented it. So there was a power greater than a man who'd mastered every cell in his body. Derek would soon find that he could control any single-celled organism, even autonomous cells within others' bodies. Simple, single purpose creatures obeyed his commands. Maybe he could fight the witches who destroyed his life, his neighbors -though they were exceedingly wealthy and well connected.

But he had to know the limits of his power, and importantly what the cloaked figures had sheathed his loins with -and why it was made so? Was there a point to being chaste? He wanted to find Esmeralda and show her his brute physique, his pointless masculinity, he reached out for his squash racket and tried to break it. As he thought, his palms toughened like rawhide, his fingernails became talons, his eyes like poly-carbonate, automatically, and the graphite frame snapped in two. He threw it into a corner. Was there nothing he couldn't do? Derek -was he some form of Hulk?

He lay on his bed and quieted his heart. A buzz filled his sense. Microorganisms all over the world tuned in to him. He assigned his cells to each group, like tentacles of an octopus. In his heart he began to laugh as flashes of scenes near and far, people with cancer, diabetes, someone shot in Iran, the cry of his blood filled his awareness. In that instant he was everywhere a cell needed him and he comforted the bacteria, the macrophages, the fungi, and viruses. Steering them towards his bidding with his fully aware body. Then he heard a witch sneeze and blow her nose. He made her sneeze 4 times in a row as he hid his hand effortlessly. But assuming was a dangerous thing. Never assume when you have such limitless power.

Then he was gone, entering Esmeralda's bedroom through a string of viruses drifting in its still air. He fell over her only to find she had made up her heart not to be amused. So witches knew, maybe others too. But Derek didn't care, and they kissed passionately. He might have to use her bathroom again.

7. The tide turns

 

8. Lucky escape